The real Olsen Twins. Show 'em how its done, Wheelers....

Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield. The quasi-heroines of the series Sweet Valley High. Elizabeth was praised as the honor student, the prudish one and - the ultimate 80s fail - the one who wore sunscreen.

Her twin sister Jessica, as evident by her choice of “I make my own rules” denim jacket, snuck out, kissed boys with mustaches and liked to tan. 

Francine Pascal enabled created these characters for the Young Adult reader. Opening a new world to young, ambitious woman. Or aspiring reality tv stars. In the same vain, Stefani Greenfield opened up Scoop NYC. Taking all the coveted pieces from the runway and bringing them together in a beautiful and demure manner. Heavenly cashmeres, impeccable tailoring and pricing that makes you think the purchaser could feasibly bring a country out of debt. Very classy. Very Elizabeth.

Then theres Jessica, or in this (getting weaker by the line) analogy: Scoop SALE. A store that is home to exclusively Scoop merchandise on Sale. There are no round tables of cleverly displayed panties. Only bins. Look! A cap-sleeve Missoni knit dress in gorgeous fall colors, with a giant hole in collar.

So? Whadda you gonna do about it? This is Scoop SALE, bitch!  

Shrinkage.

Sometimes an image moves you so forcefully. 

You cannot help but copy / paste / upload.

Two words that should never have been used together: CAPRI PALAZZO. 

Worse idea. Ever.

Sure, theres the “secretive culty christian" thing, but for THIS, the Changs must pay.

Fall's here. Sharpen your Pencil skirts.

This morning I had a Closet Cleanout appointment with a new client who moved her from Seattle. Separating her Spring/Summer from her Fall/Winter was exhausting (Don’t you West Coasters understand storage? Welcome to New York. We have seasons. And Suris. And part-time Kardashians). After an hour of sorting thru linens and washable silks, I touched something familiar. And found an old friend.

Hello Cashmere. Its me, Kim.

And so begins our love affairs with layers, tweeds and corduroys. All of this beautifully executed in Burberry Prorsums collection. Fall in love over, and over, and over again. Until they ask you- quite curtly! - to leave the dressing room, if you have no intention of buying. And mutter something about security cameras.

http://bit.ly/OMqTBq

Round-toe, Cap-toe, T-strap...oh my!

A bit incoherent, but cute!

The Fall shoes have arrived at J.Crew and seem to be all grown up. Is it just me, or do the patterned pair 3rd from right seem a little awkward - like they’re trying unsuccessfully to make an exit. 

Similar to how I felt after asking for some cream in my coffee at a recent “cupping” event at Stumptown roastery. The one day I didnt pack my Coffeemate. Ah, hazelnut! 

(An avid reader of this blog, Oliver Strand just threw his laptop out the window). 

Mall Chick - Fil - A

Am I holding up a bustle in this photo?

Or trying to conceal a drink that was served on the earlier side of happy hour? Either way, enjoy this sugar sweet photo from the launch party of Style For Hire

The Style For Hire team has been sending in their armies into the malls across America. Walk into the Style Lounge and Zing! Zap! Zoom!…instant makeover!

Read about the experience and stop by next time you want to:

a) shop for back to school clothes

b) get that “double piercing” in your ear, already. you’ve talked about it since Wham

c)  address that void that can only be filled with the unnatural taste of a delicious Orange Julius. 

15 minutes. Thats less time than getting a manicure. And it won’t even chip!

Does this make my fetus look fat?

The wait is over. Slim down those last stubborn trimesters with Maternity Spanx. 

Now available is Summer Nude!

Child Labor Laws - Smabor Laws...I need a website.

SASS NEW YORK

Until I hire that pre-teen to redesign my website so that it harmonizes with my blog, I have to “link” you verbally. So, I appreciate the compassion…but I welcome judgement.

I am a Style Therapist. This means I help you create the look you covet. Maybe it already exists in your closet? This means a Closet Cleanout session takes place, during which I come to your home and break your ENTIRE closet into 3 categories: Treasure, Tailor and Toss. 

But, Therapy? That part comes when you tell me why you’re keeping that Annie Sez blazer with the giant lapel and oversize buttons reminiscent of something Vanessa Huxtable would have worn on a job interview. 

Signature Shopping is usually done after we’ve edited your closet. I do the pre-ship and just tell you where / when to show up. And I will always have snacks. 

Everything is just better when you like what you’re wearing.

Hardware for the Man who likes to sparkle

He won’t be digging through your jewelry box any time soon, but men are starting to get a little…curious. 

My savvy friend Amy Hyde asked me “what jewelry options are there for men?” I looked at her and replied “I don’t know, whichever tampons suit their lifestyle, I guess.” She wasn’t amused and explained that aside from the tired cufflinks and watch, men didnt have many options to accessorize. She continued, halting the lame joke I had started about vaginas, that their anniversary is coming up and she wanted to give him something special to wear. Man Jewelry: Mewelry (just wait..it will stick!)

Miansai came into my life when my glamourous friend Sarika Rastogi wore this amazing bracelet to dinner last week. It was brutish like Kowalski but sexy in its simplicity. Molds like fish hooks and anchors cement your manhood. This type of Mewelry (driving it home, folks) won’t betray you, like a fratty puka shell necklace or a gold watch could. 

Gentleman, you are no longer forced to choose between Gekko or Spicoli.

Summer Breezy Made Easy

"NO TOUCHING!"

Its hot. No one wants to be touched. No strangers frizzy hair brushing against you during your subway ride. No tight sleeves restricting you as you try to monkey bar yourself away from Sasquatch along the rail. There’s an easy way to get through days like this.

* Avoid a waistline.

* Avoid ANYTHING in heather grey.

* Avoid synthetics.

* And lighten your load.

This can be accomplished with a-line dresses like the 3.1 Phillip Lim above. A saucy one-shoulder piece to sneak in a breeze. A shift dress with pockets so you don’t need to bring your bag when you step out. Throw in your credit card and your cell, so you can call people to bitch about how hot it is.

STRIPES. (just try and not think of Bill Murray)

Summer tip # 4 

Does anyone posses the self-control to walk by stripes without stopping? Maybe its a nostalgia that takes us back to The Love Boat

(who didnt have a crush on Gopher? or want to confide in the offensively typecast Isaac?)

and seemingly endless trips the Pacific Princess made to Acapulco. But something about those nautical stripes always convinces us that we need “just one more” striped tee or dress. Go for it. Feed the francophile within.

Summer tip # 5

Accessories on the Beach. Why not? This is the summer of necklaces with swimwear. Matte gold or Bakelite can catch the sun and send glittery droplets onto your skin. Its waterproof; now strut that luxurious bod and you’re ready for poolside drinks. 

More French Riviera, less Jersey Shore

Summer Tip # 3

Tinted moisturizer. I fancy myself olive-skinned. Opinions vary. To convince the skeptics, I apply a tinted moisturizer. Its the only makeup your lazy ass will need in the summer. Here’s why:

You gotcha SPF…

You gotcha concealer…

You gotcha “tan”…all in one place.

My classy girlfriends like Laura Mercier. Even the Sephora brand of tints can provide a decent shade match. But if you can’t take the girl out of Duane Reade, there’s always Neutrogena.

And Method gel hand soap refill bags. And slanted tweezers that get those impossible strays. Or those garbage bags with the nice smell that doesn’t make everything gross. The Kushy Foot flats that roll up into a bag. Leave-in hair conditioner with lychee notes………….I think I have a problem.

* note: i haven’t tried the Kiehl’s yet but who doesn’t love their packaging?

UGH! UGG

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGG…

There really should not be a single reason why people continue to wear these things. They’re “comfy.” You know what else Im betting is comfy? A unitard. Or a snuggie. Yes, the blanket with sleeves. 

Wear a shoe, not a slipper. Sherling interior does not qualify as a nude.  Certainly not the kind any self-respecting stylist can claim elongates the leg . Please consider this: there is no moment when a snakeskin flat or sandal would not be an ideal choice over an UGG. Especially with all the insane sales going on right now.

Remember… anything UGG can do, Miu Miu can do better.

p.s. if you’re on Bloglovin, you can follow SassNewYork there.

Put all your West Eggs in a Basket

4233" style="letter-spacing: normal; color: rgb(85, 85, 85); font-size: 13px; line-height: 21px; ">Last night I dreamt about Summer wear. And Jesse Zimmerman is a very awkward scenario on which I don’t care to elaborate. The next few days you will get droplets of summer tips from Sass New York. 

Summer Tip # 1
Daisy Buchanan got it right. It gets hot in West Egg! (isn’t everyone dying to see this?!?) Stay cool in seersucker and eyelet dresses. They have a wrinkle-free advantage over linen. And who’s going to take out an iron in the summer?

An airy lace skirt can substitute your pencil skirt. Just swap it out and throw on a jacket.

But I like easy and sleazy and ALWAYS go for a dress. Looking for one without ostrich feathers? Try this navy number by Club Monaco. Paired with a neon yellow thong sandal, obviously.

Summer Tip # 2
Forget the Flip Flops. If you think about it, theres only a slight 1/2” of rubber separating you from the street. As a New Yorker that’s horrifying. Switch them for Espadrilles. They keep your barking dogs clean and can be your statement piece. If you simply can’t make it to La Manual Alpargatera in Barcelona…try some local color at Les Toiles du Soleil.

Steel Toe meets Easter Peep (shocked by how kind time has been to her)

Pastels.

Id like to uphold my self-image and say my first thought when I hear the word “pastels” is Laduree macaroons.

But you know, don’t you? You know I think of Easter so quickly I can smell those Peeps.

So, lets be honest see what we can do with all the pastels slapping us in the face this season. Pairing them with black can be too severe. Or worse; bridesmaids-y. Try warmer neutral shades. Like ivory paired with mint. Camel can also ground a pastel and open up more options for footwear.

Oh, and Jordan almonds! I always think of Jordan almonds.

Naughty-naughty N train

Summer in the city. Inspirational.

Subway train schedule in the summer in the city. Ruthless.

After riding three different uptown trains in an effort to get downtown, this Saturday, I was wiped. Descending the staircase to take the N/R (or as they say - Never / Rarely) I noticed two foreign looking boys asking girls for directions. Girls giggled and said something daft like “we’re tourists and dont know anything.” I wanted to tell the girls to spit out their gum, take off those VonDutch hats and go live out the Y Tu Mama Tambien fantasy.

Reunited on the platform, I confirm for the boys (We’re calling them Gael and Diego because this is my fantasy, my rules) the trains going uptown. We board and sit together and I learn theyre from Brazil studying abroad in Canada. They went to Times Sq last night in search of “a party or a pub” (did you feel your heart just break?). As my stop approaches, I draw them a quick map of the island and circle the Meatpacking District. “Is Meatpacking the name of the pub?” one asks. I told them it was a land of nightclubs. They smiled and poured over the map. As the train left, I saw a tear of joy roll down Diego’s cheek…like a discoteque ball.

"It's cool. The cigarettes are organic."

My friend Jill was waiting in line this morning for her fair-trade coffee with soy foam. Obviously she was in Williamsburg. As the barista began explaining the journey her coffee beans took before becoming the brew, Jill rolled her eyes and looked for a place to land them outside.

Then she saw something horrifying. A man smoking while carrying a baby in a bjorn!

Upon closer inspection, she observed it was done in an ironic way. 

So, we’re cool.

Check out Jill’s store A & G Merch which carries everything you want to own.

(sigh)

My foot aches.

Sure, the doctor said its been 3 weeks since my “Stiletto surgery” and I should probably start walking with the safety boot.

But I would like to err on the side of safety and continue planting my ass on the couch watching back-to-back episodes of Friday Night Lights.

Why? The love of the game, of course.  

Clear eyes Full Hearts, Coach Taylor....

L'aviva Home

DAILY CANDY, bitches.

The unstoppable Laura Aviva has done it again. Leading us triumphantly into a Utopia where scarves are dresses and pedicures take the place of shoes with Daily Candy’s Weekend Guide. 

These versatile scarves should not be missed. They are what pashminas were to the 90s. What scrüncis were to 80s (i know its “scünci” but the r just feels right, doesn’t it?). The article should have begun “By the time you get to the end of this sentence, these scarves will be gone.”

Lengthy matters

Size matters.

Even an inch can make a difference. 

One inch is the reason why the jacket on Betty Draper (left) does not work. That extra  length is like a giant arm pushing you out of the way of what could have been a great outfit. 

A fashion cock-block.

See? See how it hits Betty at the widest point of her hips? If it was shorter like the one on Lily Collins (right) - then you would had have the sultry look that the turquoise skirt by Roland Mouret demands.

Bad, bad Betty.

United Healthcare = the jerk who skips town if you're late.

"Can we get real?"

The answer to that question should always be no. No, I don’t want to hear that he’s selfish in bed. No, I don’t want to feel the weird bump on your neck. Can’t we just talk about pretty dresses?

Yet dear readers, Im about to get real. With both of you.

United Healthcare sucks. They say they want to buy you a drink. But once you’ve swirled it around, sipped it up and enjoyed the olives, they stick you with the bill. Clearly Im referring to the government not covering birth control.

And we’re back….check out this quintessential cotton skirt on sale @ Barneys. A-line? Check. Pockets? Check. Color sliver peeking through? Check. Point / click / enjoy…